What Do I Do with All this Anger?

Recorded on February 9, 2025 a the Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in Durham, NC

Let’s talk about anger. Anger is a normal, healthy human emotion that arises when we feel threatened, powerless, injustice, pain, trauma, stress, and even hormonal imbalance. It is a sign that something is not right. When we feel safe to be openly angry, it can be expressed directly.
But when we unconsciously deny our anger, it often leaks out indirectly and in unexpected ways such as high blood pressure, heart disease, insomnia, headaches, digestive issues, depression, numbness, passive-aggressiveness, perfectionism, isolation, procrastination, and sarcasm. Repressing anger is an unconscious reaction and often results from past trauma, fear of rejection, and self-preservation.

Ok, those are the facts, now it is time to get personal.

I am a conflict averse person, always have been. When anger is directed toward me, my whole body will freeze up. I feel powerless and that tension stays in my body in my shoulders, jaw and lower back. Rather than expressing the anger, I turn it toward myself as self-criticism, I isolate myself from the source of anger and it takes a long time for me to feel comfortable again. I was never taught how to express anger; I was brought up hearing “Go to your room” if I had any type of negative reaction. Does that sound familiar?

I used to think this made me a stronger person because I could turn the other cheek. I would justify the other person’s anger and attempt to cultivate compassion. But there is a difference between compassionate acquiescence and compassionate action.

Over the past month, I have purposely been avoiding the news out of self-preservation and thought I was adequately protecting my mental health. However, the collective fear for the future has become the water in which we all swim. These emotional vibrations are moving through all of us and my emotion repression “skills” have been seriously put to the test.

I have been experiencing something far deeper than fear and anger – it is rage. Rage that I misplaced on others, rage that I turned toward myself, rage that I did not know what to with. And since my internal coffers were already stuffed full of decades of unrepressed emotion, the rage stayed at the surface. It has been scary to live with so much rage, what am I supposed to do with it? I am terrified to let it out, to witness the damage it could do, but I cannot hold on to it either.

Rage is like a match, after it is struck within us, it burns hotly but is short-lived. What if we could harness the rage into positive action rather than internalize it or turn it on others? Use rage as an impetus to act:

• Act physically by rage-cleaning or rage-organizing something, scribbling madly on paper, working out, taking a brisk walk, going to a march, volunteering, or dancing around your living room to your favorite song.
• Act verbally by speaking out where it matters (not on social media), making calls, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or screaming into the void.
• Or Act mindfully by consciously choosing a response rather than reacting unconsciously.

Let’s try something together now:

1. Put your feet on the floor and hands on your belly.
2. Close your eyes and notice that you are breathing.
3. Observe the sensations you feel in your body - the floor and chair beneath you, any sensations of tightness in your chest, belly, or jaw.
4. Notice your belly rising and falling in synchrony with your breath.
5. Whatever is present in your emotions or mind, do not assign value to it, it is neither good nor bad, it simply is.
6. Take 3 more breaths, then open your eyes.

​This exercise is far easier to do here while we are together, but you can use it even during moments of high emotion. Once the intensity has passed, you may be left with an exhausted kind of spaciousness. A different kind of quiet that comes from using that energy for good and then letting it go.  

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